I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
