I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
