Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My vagina is officially offended.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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