I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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