His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
