My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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