she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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