Please, let me fuck your mom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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