i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
