So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
