woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Barsexuality is the new black.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
