thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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