Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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