I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
