My friends, they love my intelligence
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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