that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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