i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
