I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
