You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
