have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
