Kiss
Puke
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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