Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
