i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
