There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
