i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
