If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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