LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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