So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
