i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
