After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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