i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
drinking out of a sandbucket again
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
