does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
