This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
