Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
