I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
