WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
