you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
nutella sex= disaster
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
