He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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