please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
