before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
