Got a toothbrush?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
false alarm. still invincible.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I party with great urgency now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
