ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
