I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Randomize
