so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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