Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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