I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
