If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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