i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
