I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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