you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I sprained my soul last night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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