Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
