His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
