I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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